white goat kid on grass

Knowing Jesus suffered for me…and suffers with me

When bouts of electric shocks fired into my body, with violently convulsing pain, I couldn’t think but only endure. When they subsided, I always melted with gratitude to our Savior, who suffered with me.  Can you imagine His raw and exposed nerves struck by scourges? Can you imagine the physical Read more…

person s scooping water by hands

A “praise interruption” into my pain and tears

For this musician who thinks and breathes in music, being unable to make music to our Lord was a heartbreaking loss. Overwhelming grief. For months, I was so sick as the resonating chambers in my head filled with pressure from my sagging brain and herniated brainstem, that I couldn’t sing Read more…

person holding hand

When people don’t understand our suffering, we have our Friend

Job’s friends started well. They visited to “show him sympathy and comfort him” (Job 2:11). They mourned with him; they wordlessly sat with him, “for they saw that his suffering was very great” (Job 2:13). Maybe they didn’t know what to say?  Job himself was the “first to speak,” honestly sharing Read more…

baby s feet on brown wicker basket

Your promises fulfilled! Hope as I suffer at Christmas!

Lord Jesus, You came. You condescended to earthly flesh, incarnating as a human. You, the Word made flesh, the Creator and sustainer of all things, holy and majestic God the Son…came. We bow before You today, in awe of who You are. Lo, within a manger lieshe who built the Read more…

selective focus photography of pine tree with snow flakes

A lament of suffering at Christmas, into Love

God rest you merry, gentlemen,let nothing you dismay…Oh tidings of comfort and joy! (“God rest you merry, gentlemen,” p.d.) Yes, we’ve begun the Christmas season with all its “tidings of comfort and joy.” But are you suffering this year, as I am? Does this feel impossible to sing? Is your Read more…

green trees

Help me to see Jesus this Christmas, promised from eternal years

See the tender Lamb, promised from eternal years. This week’s hymn beckons us to see Jesus, the promised Savior and Messiah. It reminds us of our own redemption, through this tender Lamb. Beloved in Christ, let’s remember God’s glorious love story toward us, for so many of His promises have Read more…

red leaf trees near the road

Ye servants of God, let’s thank, enjoy, and glorify Him!

Beloved in Christ, I write to you before brain surgery, as my loved ones, subscribers to my weekly emails, a family of His beloveds who are also suffering ongoing trials of this earthly life. No matter what the outcomes may be, this writing says, “See you later!”  Through the wonders Read more…

person holding brown leaf

I know not, but God knows

I’ve had agonizing and tear-full times with God lately. I know not. In my limited human knowledge, I don’t understand why my first brain surgery stopped “working” and why I need to endure so much pain and challenge from another one. Or why things took a sharp turn for the Read more…

personal organizer and pink flowers on desk

What an amazing promise! God will give me strength!

The lies fill our thoughts. ”I can’t do this today. I can’t keep going like this.”  “God doesn’t hear me.” “He’s forgotten me, abandoned me.” Afflicted saint, to Christ draw near… (“As thy days, so shall thy strength be,” Fawcett, J., p.d.) “Behold, I am with you always, to the Read more…

photography of waterfalls between trees

Finding healing of “Draw Me Nearer” into spiritual depression

As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? (Ps. 42:1-2 ESV). I am thine, O Lord, I have heard thy voice,and it told thy love to me;but I long to rise in the arms of faith,and be closer drawn to thee. (“I Am Thine, O Lord, I Have Heard Thy Voice,” Crosby, F., Read more…