an eagle flying in the sky

Lord, please give me “Be still, my soul” patience

As grief overwhelmed me, I lost my patience. Anger welled up and had to be honestly released with a shout. Shrouded in loss and shocked by my unusually loud reaction, I asked God to help me see what lay beneath my tear-full explosion.  My anguish had started with an unexpected Read more

blue jeans

God leads His dear children along, all the way through

As my brain’s slumping out of the skull worsened with its body-systemic symptoms last fall, our Good Shepherd Jesus Christ came so near with His love songs, ones filled with praise and adoration to Him. Although I could rarely physically read my Bible, I heard His tender voice of comforting Read more

white goat kid on grass

Knowing Jesus suffered for me…and suffers with me

When bouts of electric shocks fired into my body, with violently convulsing pain, I couldn’t think but only endure. When they subsided, I always melted with gratitude to our Savior, who suffered with me.  Can you imagine His raw and exposed nerves struck by scourges? Can you imagine the physical Read more

person s scooping water by hands

A “praise interruption” into my pain and tears

For this musician who thinks and breathes in music, being unable to make music to our Lord was a heartbreaking loss. Overwhelming grief. For months, I was so sick as the resonating chambers in my head filled with pressure from my sagging brain and herniated brainstem, that I couldn’t sing Read more

person holding hand

When people don’t understand our suffering, we have our Friend

Job’s friends started well. They visited to “show him sympathy and comfort him” (Job 2:11). They mourned with him; they wordlessly sat with him, “for they saw that his suffering was very great” (Job 2:13). Maybe they didn’t know what to say?  Job himself was the “first to speak,” honestly sharing Read more

selective focus photography of pine tree with snow flakes

A lament of suffering at Christmas, into Love

God rest you merry, gentlemen,let nothing you dismay…Oh tidings of comfort and joy! (“God rest you merry, gentlemen,” p.d.) Yes, we’ve begun the Christmas season with all its “tidings of comfort and joy.” But are you suffering this year, as I am? Does this feel impossible to sing? Is your Read more

green trees

Help me to see Jesus this Christmas, promised from eternal years

See the tender Lamb, promised from eternal years. This week’s hymn beckons us to see Jesus, the promised Savior and Messiah. It reminds us of our own redemption, through this tender Lamb. Beloved in Christ, let’s remember God’s glorious love story toward us, for so many of His promises have Read more

red leaf trees near the road

Ye servants of God, let’s thank, enjoy, and glorify Him!

Beloved in Christ, I write to you before brain surgery, as my loved ones, subscribers to my weekly emails, a family of His beloveds who are also suffering ongoing trials of this earthly life. No matter what the outcomes may be, this writing says, “See you later!”  Through the wonders Read more

person holding brown leaf

I know not, but God knows

I’ve had agonizing and tear-full times with God lately. I know not. In my limited human knowledge, I don’t understand why my first brain surgery stopped “working” and why I need to endure so much pain and challenge from another one. Or why things took a sharp turn for the Read more

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